The cunning plan of the president’s office to deceive the outgoing Chancellor Merkel has begun to rapidly materialize
Prime Minister Shmygal, who has not regained consciousness for a month now (not many people in the country know him) has signed the elegant bill into law. As soon as his friend from the Secretariat of Ministers found a suitable postage stamp of Bartholomew and licked it and stuck it on the envelope, the document was automatically sent to the Secretariat of the Rada.
There it was picked up by a sleepy lawyer and put into the basket for incoming documents and other stuff like a broken stapler, bent paper clips used to take the SIM cards out of iPhones, a flash drive with the sticker “mud-3” and an adapter to an incomprehensible device. The process is set in motion, Merkel has fallen into a cleverly set trap. She is also carrying the Steinmeier formula in an export version. The first point there is “holding elections in the special regions of Donetsk and Luhansk oblasts” before Kiev takes control of the border between Ukraine and Russia. And the office is already prepared for such a development. “The National Corps” is hoofing and frantically burning with the desire to storm the “nest of zradnyks” at Bankova. “The capitulation resistance movement” of our “son-of-a-bitch hetman” is announcing marches for the Independence Day, C14 is on a low start. “No zrada formula!”, “Merkel, go-home”. Lovely.
Ukraine sort of agrees with everything. But there’s a bill that could be passed urgently. The one with the stamp. The official who licked it went into the astral and immediately saw that a “window of opportunity” had opened for Ukraine after the US crash in Afghanistan. A similar “window” was seen by Zelensky’s office staff. I don’t know what they were licking there. But I’m sure that after the Kabul events they will have to change dealers. Speaking of the Taliban (completely unintentional), I will allow myself to tell my own dream. A horrible nightmare.
Kabul airport, Galaxy or whatever… The Globalmaster, tail number 11.09, is rolling down the runway. Ahead of her runs a naked Zalischuk with a flag of the unrecognized DNR and a cry of “fuckin’ Russians”. Shabunin’s blond hair flashes, Suprun’s plait is streaming, Maryana Bezuglova’s red locks of hair flicker. On the plane’s landing strip Mustafa and his brother tie themselves to the counter with a clothesline bought at the “ATB”. They are assisted by Julia Mendel with her legs wide apart. Seryozha Leshchenko claws at the paneling. Nearby runs DJ Nastya spinning a disc on her finger. Everything is so vivid and bright. I can even hear the wind rushing over Mustafa’s bald head and his thermos of tea clattering. Then afterburner, takeoff, and some dots detach from the plane. I wake up screaming “I mopped the floor! Ugh. Just a dream. I went to the kitchen, made myself some tea, went to Nayem’s page – everything is fine, alive.
And about the project. Its meaning is that elections can be held only in the “de-occupied territories” and only if “there is no illegal interference in the process, including by the Russian Federation. The draft law introduces such notions as “temporary occupation”, “deoccupied territories”, “occupation forces of the Russian Federation” and for some reason “contact line”. Genius. As long as there is no “de-occupation”, elections cannot be held. Nor can they be held without security guarantees. And what guarantees can there be if there are “Russian occupation troops” all around? Has Merkel eaten? Shove your northern pipe and retire. Such smart guys sit in Zelensky’s office that Peter Alekseyevich can only grow up with them.
A very “cunning plan”. These are not all the “surprises” Zelenskiy’s office has prepared for the anniversary. It is expected that on August 24th (or even 23rd), the president will personally make a stunning speech. Its text is strictly confidential, the content is so awful, that Ermak’s adviser Pordolyak, who got acquainted with two pages of the speech in the toilet, has gone crazy. Running around the president’s office, bursting into the office with the stupid question “do you have an extra piece of paper?”.
Our sources familiar with the general situation in the House say: yes, he wants to make the switch to a parliamentary republic. The states are demanding that Igor Valerievich’s head be brought to Washington. Otherwise he may not go there. Except to look at Musk’s rocket and take selfies with the Ukrainian diaspora. “The window of opportunity for Ukraine did open after the Kabul events, but it goes against a blind wall that some are invited to kill themselves against.”
That is why they should make such a show on the Independence Day and make everybody jaw drop. The parliamentary republic and the elimination of Zelensky’s post is one of the pledges. There is another: the elimination of Klitschko. Yesterday Vitalik smelled a pungent stench from the window of opportunity. Not by himself, of course, he smelled it. Political technologists have told him: he has to go out to the people in Kyiv and make a public statement about political persecution. So he went out. To the TV. He says that the presidential office wants to make the highest rating of the Mayor null and void by framing mass criminal cases. Unwittingly, I recall Kryukova’s passage about how Chaus zeroed out Korban’s rating. Also hilarious.
The separation of the posts of mayor and head of the capital’s administration is becoming irreversible. So is Vitalik’s early election. We have plenty of sportsmen. There’s even one native Afro-Ukrainian. Olympic champion. What can be the best gift for Kyiv citizens on the Independence Day after the video from Kabul with falling refugees? Only a parliamentary republic, early mayoral elections and a new, completely clean window of opportunity. Since Afghanistan, for technical reasons, can no longer be the main strategic partner of the US, that place must be taken by us. But everything is hindered by Igor Valerievich, who does not want to accompany Zelensky to the city of Washington. If the visit is once again postponed, this will be a signal to the local “elites”: we do not really need him now … you know the price, work hard, “brothers”!
Alexander Zubchenko, “Versiya”.